Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Q:What motivates people to seek out love?
A:Our primary motivation as human beings is to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness. One of the ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with other people. We have learned in our research that it is important to feel that you have the ability to be an effective person, especially in our relationships.
Q:How does this theory of self-expansion explain the process of falling in love?
A:Usually, we fall in love with a person that we find attractive and appropriate for us, but also someone who demonstrates that they are attracted to us. This creates a situation where a great opportunity is open to us for self-expansion. The fact that they are attracted to us offers a significant opportunity — when we perceive this, we feel a surge of exhilaration!
Q:Does it always work this way?
A:No, an interesting exception to this occurs if we feel badly about ourselves. The process gets thrown off if we can't believe that another persons finds us attractive — like the Groucho Marx joke where we don't want to belong to a club that would have us for a member. We tend to miss out on opportunities for falling in love if we don't feel good about ourselves.
Q:What conditions are best for meeting someone and falling in love?
A:When you meet someone under conditions that are highly arousing — a political demonstration, turbulence on a plane, a stimulating performance — a time when the body is stirred up and excited, we tend to experience attraction at a heightened level. This effect is well documented but the explanations for it are very controversial. I tend to believe that we come to associate the arousal of the situation with this person and our own self-expansion.
Q:When do we fall in love?
A:Contrary to what most people think, the statistics show that most people fall in love with someone that they have known for a while. People only report falling in love quickly about 1/3 to 40 percent of the time. Of course, this varies from culture to culture. Falling in love happens differently between cultures but it does occur in most cultures.
Q:How does our appearance factor into the equation of falling in love?
A:This is interesting; we have found that if you are very unattractive, it can hurt you a lot in forming romantic relationships. However, being attractive doesn't help that much.
Q:How do you explain that?
A:We have found that two important characteristics, kindness and intelligence, are extremely important in the process of falling in love. And attractiveness is not connected to these things. These two attributes are things that people learn about someone from knowing them over time. Intelligence is important in all aspects of life, especially in love. But kindness is the strongest indicator for a successful long-term relationship.
Monday, May 25, 2009
The car is packed and you're ready to go, your first ever cross-country trip. From the White Mountains of New Hampshire to the rolling hills of San Francisco, you're going to see it all.
You put the car in gear and off you go. First stop, the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York.
A little while into the trip you need to check the map because you've reached an intersection you're not familiar with. You panic for a moment because you realize you've forgotten your map.
But you say the heck with it because you know where you're going. You take a right, change the radio station and keep on going. Unfortunately, you never reach your destination.
Too many of us treat goal setting the same way. We dream about where we want to go, but we don't have a map to get there.
What is a map? In essence, the written word.
What is the difference between a dream and a goal? Once again, the written word.
Goal setting however is more than simply scribbling down some ideas on a piece of paper. Our goals need to be complete and focused, much like a road map, and that is the purpose behind the rest of this article.
If you follow the 7 goal setting steps, outlined in this article you will be well on your way to becoming an expert in building the road maps to your goals.
1. Make sure the goal you are working for is something you really want, not just something that sounds good.
I remember when I started taking baseball umpiring more seriously. I began to set my sites on the NCAA Division 1 level. Why? I knew there was no way I could get onto the road to the major leagues, so the next best thing was the highest college level. Pretty cool, right...... Wrong.
Sure, when I was talking to people about my umpiring goals it sounded pretty good, and many people were quite impressed. Fortunately I began to see through my own charade.
I have been involved in youth sports for a long time. I've coached, I've been the President of leagues, I've been a treasurer and I'm currently an Assistant State Commissioner for Cal Ripken Baseball. Youth sports is where I belong, it is where my heart belongs, not on some college diamond where the only thing at stake is a high draft spot.
When setting goals it is very important to remember that your goals must be consistent with your values.
2. A goal can not contradict any of your other goals.
For example, you can't buy a $750,000 house if your income goal is only $50,000 per year. This is called non-integrated thinking and will sabotage all of the hard work you put into your goals. Non-integrated thinking can also hamper your everyday thoughts as well. We should continually strive to eliminate contradictory ideas from our thinking.
3. Develop goals in the 6 areas of life.
- Family and Home
- Financial and Career
- Spiritual and Ethical
- Physical and Health
- Social and Cultural
- Mental and Educational
Setting goals in each area of life will ensure a more balanced life as you begin to examine and change the fundamentals of everyday living. Setting goals in each area of life also helps in eliminating the non-integrated thinking we talked about in the 2nd step.
4. Write your goal in the positive Instead of the Negative.
Work for what you want, not for what you want to leave behind. Part of the reason why we write down and examine our goals is to create a set of instructions for our subconscious mind to carry out. Your subconscious mind is a very efficient tool, it can not determine right from wrong and it does not judge. It's only function is to carry out its instructions. The more positive instructions you give it, the more positive results you will get.
Thinking positively in everyday life will also help in your growth as a human being. Don't limit it to goal setting.
5. Write your goal out in complete detail.
Instead of writing "A new home," write "A 4,000 square foot contemporary with 4 bedrooms and 3 baths and a view of the mountain on 20 acres of land.
Once again we are giving the subconscious mind a detailed set of instructions to work on. The more information you give it, the more clear the final outcome becomes. The more precise the outcome, the more efficient the subconscious mind can become.
Can you close your eyes and visualize the home I described above? Walk around the house. Stand on the porch off the master bedroom and see the fog lifting off the mountain. Look down at the garden full of tomatoes, green beans and cucumbers. And off to the right is the other garden full of a mums, carnations and roses. Can you see it? So can your subconscious mind.
6. By all means, make sure your goal is high enough.
Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll still be in the stars. Earlier I talked about my umpiring goals and how making it to the top level of college umpiring did not mix with my values. Some of you might be saying that I'm not setting my goals high enough. Not so. I still have very high goals for my umpiring career at the youth level. My ultimate goal is to be chosen to umpire a Babe Ruth World Series and to do so as a crew chief. If I never make it, everything I do to reach that goal will make me a better umpire and a better person. If I make it, but don't go as a crew chief, then I am still among the top youth umpires in the nation. Shoot for the moon!
7. This is the most important, write down your goals.
Writing down your goals creates the roadmap to your success. Although just the act of writing them down can set the process in motion, it is also extremely important to review your goals frequently. Remember, the more focused you are on your goals the more likely you are to accomplish them.
Sometimes we realize we have to revise a goal as circumstances and other goals change, much like I did with my umpiring. If you need to change a goal do not consider it a failure, consider it a victory as you had the insight to realize something was different.
So your goals are written down.
Now what?
First of all, unless someone is critical to helping you achieve your goal(s), do not freely share your goals with others. The negative attitude from friends, family and neighbors can drag you down quickly. It's very important that your self-talk (the thoughts in your head) are positive.
Reviewing your goals daily is a crucial part of your success and must become part of your routine. Each morning when you wake up read your list of goals that are written in the positive. Visualize the completed goal, see the new home, smell the leather seats in your new car, feel the cold hard cash in your hands. Then each night, right before you go to bed, repeat the process. This process will start both your subconscious and conscious mind on working towards the goal. This will also begin to replace any of the negative self-talk you may have and replace it with positive self-talk.
Every time you make a decision during the day, ask yourself this question, "Does it take me closer to, or further from my goal." If the answer is "closer to," then you've made the right decision. If the answer is "further from," well, you know what to do.
If you follow this process everyday you will be on your way to achieving unlimited success in every aspect of your life.
The difference between a goal and a dream is the written word.
By: Gene Donohue
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Do you ever just wake up in the morning in a BAD mood?
Or maybe you stub your toe, spill your coffee, or burn your toast. Doesn't it seem that once one thing goes wrong, the whole day goes down hill?
The truth is that the reason the rest of the day goes wrong, is because of your bad mood. In other words, when you become angry about something that happens, you spend time focusing on it. And where attention goes, energy flows. This energy attracts other bad experiences. That's why it's so important to change your mood, ASAP!
5 Ways to Lift Your Mood
- Listen to music. Now, I don't mean the sappy music that always makes you cry. I mean something upbeat and happy. Music that makes your toes tap.
- Laugh. Laughter really is the BEST medicine because the easiest way to turn that frown upside down is by laughing. Watch a sitcom, rent a movie. Just remember to laugh out loud.
- Have a GO-TO memory. Think back over the years. What was a really good moment, something that always puts a smile on your face and a warm feeling in your heart? Learn to "flip out" of your bad mood by learning to "flip into" this sweet memory.
- Spend time with your pet. Is there anyone in your life that gives you more unconditional love than your pet? If you have a pet, you know the healing effect an animal can have on you.
- Call a friend. Now, you need to be careful with this one. You should have a good-time friend, someone that's fun and makes you feel good. This is the friend to call. You aren't calling to complain, you're calling to hear all of the wonderful and fun stories she has to share. Soon, you'll be looking up.
When you change your mood, your vibrational energy changes to positive. Soon you'll be seeing the silver lining and things won't seem so bad.
Reference:
Terri Klapperich is a heart-centered CEO teaching men and women HOW to heal emotional pain, tap into divine guidance, and create the life of their dreams. As YOU heal yourself, YOU heal the world. Take the "Live From Your Heart Challenge" at Tips from Terri .Get out of your head and start living from your heart.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
and said to him.
'You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.'
The donkey answered:
'I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years'
God granted his wish.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
God created the Dog
and said to him:
'You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. ' The dog answered:
'Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
' God granted his wish.
........................................................................................................................................................................
God created the Monkey
and said to him:'You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. ' The monkey answered:
'To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years.'
God granted his wish.
.....................................................
Finally God created man
and said to him:
'You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years.'
Man responded:
'Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.
' God granted man's wish
.....................................................
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man,
marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.
Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,
so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
That's Life.
Is'nt it?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
"Mom and Dad, I'm coming home, but I've a favor to ask. I have a friend I'd like to bring home with me."
"Sure," they replied, "we'd love to meet him."
"There's something you should know the son continued, "he was hurt pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind and lost an arm and a leg. He has nowhere else to go, and I want him to come live with us."
"I'm sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to live."
"No, Mom and Dad, I want him to live with us."
"Son," said the father, "you don't know what you're asking. Someone with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We have our own lives to live, and we can't let something like this interfere with our lives. I think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He'll find a way to live on his own."
At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the San Franciscopolice. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents flew to San Franciscoand were taken to the city morgue to identify the body of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also discovered something they didn't know, their son had only one arm and one leg.
The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don't like people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather stay away from people who aren't as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we are.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter.
The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.
When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.
QUESTIONS:
1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?
ANSWER:
The husband just said "I am with you Darling"
The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior.
The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother.
Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.
No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you
think.
MORAL OF THE STORY
This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out something called LIFE.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
A group of alumni, all highly established in their respective careers, got together for a visit with their old university professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about the endless stress of work and life in general. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen and soon returned with a large pot of coffee and an eclectic assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal - some plain, some expensive, some quite exquisite. Quietly he told them to help themselves to some fresh coffee.
When each of his former students had a cup of coffee in hand, the old professor quietly cleared his throat and began to patiently address the small gathering. "You may have noticed that all of the nicer looking cups were taken up first, leaving behind the plainer and cheaper ones. While it is only natural for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is actually the source of much of your stress-related problems."
He continued, "Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In fact, the cup merely disguises or dresses up what we drink. What each of you really wanted was coffee, not a cup, but you instinctively went for the best cups. Then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this:
"Life is coffee. Jobs, money, and position in society are merely cups. They are just tools to shape and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not truly define nor change the quality of the Life we live. Often, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee that has been provided us. Enjoy your coffee!"
The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. So, Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And remember - the richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.
Be thankful for the special flavor your friends add to your coffee.
Monday, August 25, 2008
My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it.
The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy.
My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.
"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired; there are no reasons for every thing in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.
My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?
And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?"
Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"
He said:" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....
My dear,
"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..."
This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.
"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.
You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.
You love travelling but always lose your way in a new city; I have to save my eyes to show you the way.
You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month; I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.
You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism m. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.
You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...
Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die...
My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading...
"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favourite bread and fresh milk...
I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread.... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...
It is the story which is applicable to all of us. We take things for granted whether it is our employer, employee, Boss, subordinate, family, parents, children, friends or servants.
We take a microscopic view and focus on one small thing instead of taking the broad view. Behaviour is caught, and never taught. We are all victims of the strangle hold of our own glue-like mindsets, die-hard habits and concrete-wall-like Attitudes. It is time you learn the art and science of Behavioural trianing and Development to help yourself lead a better life. You can also end up with the passion of helping your people around you be they members of your team or the family. Attitudes afterall is everything. Now you have a distance learning opportunity to learn and apply and help others too. if you need more details feel free to writie back to me.
