Saturday, May 30, 2009
Author: Stephen Covey
It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).
What is this principle? 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us.
We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic.
We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.
How? ……….By your reaction.
You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example.
You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.
Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.
Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is "D".
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios both started the same. Both ended different.
Why?
Because of how you REACTED
You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you!
React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.
How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them?
WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive?
Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.
You are told you lost your job.
Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take outpour frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on.
Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.
Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.
The result?
Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. We all must understand and apply the 90/10 principle.
It CAN change your life!!!
Monday, May 25, 2009
The car is packed and you're ready to go, your first ever cross-country trip. From the White Mountains of New Hampshire to the rolling hills of San Francisco, you're going to see it all.
You put the car in gear and off you go. First stop, the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, New York.
A little while into the trip you need to check the map because you've reached an intersection you're not familiar with. You panic for a moment because you realize you've forgotten your map.
But you say the heck with it because you know where you're going. You take a right, change the radio station and keep on going. Unfortunately, you never reach your destination.
Too many of us treat goal setting the same way. We dream about where we want to go, but we don't have a map to get there.
What is a map? In essence, the written word.
What is the difference between a dream and a goal? Once again, the written word.
Goal setting however is more than simply scribbling down some ideas on a piece of paper. Our goals need to be complete and focused, much like a road map, and that is the purpose behind the rest of this article.
If you follow the 7 goal setting steps, outlined in this article you will be well on your way to becoming an expert in building the road maps to your goals.
1. Make sure the goal you are working for is something you really want, not just something that sounds good.
I remember when I started taking baseball umpiring more seriously. I began to set my sites on the NCAA Division 1 level. Why? I knew there was no way I could get onto the road to the major leagues, so the next best thing was the highest college level. Pretty cool, right...... Wrong.
Sure, when I was talking to people about my umpiring goals it sounded pretty good, and many people were quite impressed. Fortunately I began to see through my own charade.
I have been involved in youth sports for a long time. I've coached, I've been the President of leagues, I've been a treasurer and I'm currently an Assistant State Commissioner for Cal Ripken Baseball. Youth sports is where I belong, it is where my heart belongs, not on some college diamond where the only thing at stake is a high draft spot.
When setting goals it is very important to remember that your goals must be consistent with your values.
2. A goal can not contradict any of your other goals.
For example, you can't buy a $750,000 house if your income goal is only $50,000 per year. This is called non-integrated thinking and will sabotage all of the hard work you put into your goals. Non-integrated thinking can also hamper your everyday thoughts as well. We should continually strive to eliminate contradictory ideas from our thinking.
3. Develop goals in the 6 areas of life.
- Family and Home
- Financial and Career
- Spiritual and Ethical
- Physical and Health
- Social and Cultural
- Mental and Educational
Setting goals in each area of life will ensure a more balanced life as you begin to examine and change the fundamentals of everyday living. Setting goals in each area of life also helps in eliminating the non-integrated thinking we talked about in the 2nd step.
4. Write your goal in the positive Instead of the Negative.
Work for what you want, not for what you want to leave behind. Part of the reason why we write down and examine our goals is to create a set of instructions for our subconscious mind to carry out. Your subconscious mind is a very efficient tool, it can not determine right from wrong and it does not judge. It's only function is to carry out its instructions. The more positive instructions you give it, the more positive results you will get.
Thinking positively in everyday life will also help in your growth as a human being. Don't limit it to goal setting.
5. Write your goal out in complete detail.
Instead of writing "A new home," write "A 4,000 square foot contemporary with 4 bedrooms and 3 baths and a view of the mountain on 20 acres of land.
Once again we are giving the subconscious mind a detailed set of instructions to work on. The more information you give it, the more clear the final outcome becomes. The more precise the outcome, the more efficient the subconscious mind can become.
Can you close your eyes and visualize the home I described above? Walk around the house. Stand on the porch off the master bedroom and see the fog lifting off the mountain. Look down at the garden full of tomatoes, green beans and cucumbers. And off to the right is the other garden full of a mums, carnations and roses. Can you see it? So can your subconscious mind.
6. By all means, make sure your goal is high enough.
Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll still be in the stars. Earlier I talked about my umpiring goals and how making it to the top level of college umpiring did not mix with my values. Some of you might be saying that I'm not setting my goals high enough. Not so. I still have very high goals for my umpiring career at the youth level. My ultimate goal is to be chosen to umpire a Babe Ruth World Series and to do so as a crew chief. If I never make it, everything I do to reach that goal will make me a better umpire and a better person. If I make it, but don't go as a crew chief, then I am still among the top youth umpires in the nation. Shoot for the moon!
7. This is the most important, write down your goals.
Writing down your goals creates the roadmap to your success. Although just the act of writing them down can set the process in motion, it is also extremely important to review your goals frequently. Remember, the more focused you are on your goals the more likely you are to accomplish them.
Sometimes we realize we have to revise a goal as circumstances and other goals change, much like I did with my umpiring. If you need to change a goal do not consider it a failure, consider it a victory as you had the insight to realize something was different.
So your goals are written down.
Now what?
First of all, unless someone is critical to helping you achieve your goal(s), do not freely share your goals with others. The negative attitude from friends, family and neighbors can drag you down quickly. It's very important that your self-talk (the thoughts in your head) are positive.
Reviewing your goals daily is a crucial part of your success and must become part of your routine. Each morning when you wake up read your list of goals that are written in the positive. Visualize the completed goal, see the new home, smell the leather seats in your new car, feel the cold hard cash in your hands. Then each night, right before you go to bed, repeat the process. This process will start both your subconscious and conscious mind on working towards the goal. This will also begin to replace any of the negative self-talk you may have and replace it with positive self-talk.
Every time you make a decision during the day, ask yourself this question, "Does it take me closer to, or further from my goal." If the answer is "closer to," then you've made the right decision. If the answer is "further from," well, you know what to do.
If you follow this process everyday you will be on your way to achieving unlimited success in every aspect of your life.
The difference between a goal and a dream is the written word.
By: Gene Donohue
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
There are a lot of people who spend extraordinary amounts of time and energy lamenting their fate, and trying to convince others (and themselves) that the world is against them. It's a shame, really, because if they spent just half that energy seeking and seizing opportunity, they would be a lot happier and a lot better off. Opportunity is a wonderful thing, and the best part is that it's everywhere. It's not reserved for the rich, or powerful or smart. It's all around us, and there for the taking. You just have to know how to look for it.
The ability to see and take advantage of opportunity comes with three things - education (formal and informal), initiative and awareness. And each of these are readily available to anyone willing to make the investment. Education takes time and commitment, initiative takes courage, and awareness takes focus. The rest is easy.
Consider these three scenarios:
1. Two men go to a rummage sale. One picks up an old dusty vase ticketed at $20, then sets it down feeling it's not worth the price. The other picks it up, recognizes it as a valuable antique, and gladly pays for it - selling it days later for a hundred times its value.
2. A stranger is seated between two unemployed women in an airplane, and says 'hello' to each. One woman chooses to ignore him and engross herself in her book. The other woman strikes up a conversation, and discovers that he is the recruiting manager for a large company who just happens to have a perfect job for her.
3. Two birds stand on a branch over a wormhole. One becomes distracted by a distant noise and turns its head just as the worm appears. The other swoops down and has its breakfast.
Are these just examples of good luck? Perhaps. But as the old saying goes, "good luck is where hard work meets opportunity." Opportunity is indeed everywhere - but the rest is up to you.
"Don't worry about missing out on an opportunity. It's when you stop looking for opportunity that you should start worrying"
Friday, May 15, 2009
Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson. I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab.
Here's what happened.
I hopped in a taxi, and we took off for Grand Central Station. We were driving in the right lane when, all of a sudden, a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car's back end by just inches!
The driver of the other car, the guy who almost caused a big accident, whipped his head around and he started yelling bad words at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was friendly. So, I said, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
And this is when my taxi driver told me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
Many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it. And if you let them, they'll dump it on you. When someone wants to dump on you, don't take it personally.
You just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. You'll be happy you did.
So this was it: The 'Law of the Garbage Truck.' I started thinking, how often do I let Garbage Trucks run right over me? And how often do I take their garbage and spread it to other people: at work, at home, on the streets? It was that day I said, 'I'm not going to do it anymore.' I began to see garbage trucks. I see the load they're carrying. I see them coming to drop it off. And like my Taxi Driver, I don't make it a personal thing; I just smile, wave, wish them well, and I move on.
One of my favorite football players of all time, Walter Payton, did this every day on the football field. He would jump up as quickly as he hit the ground after being tackled. He never dwelled on a hit. Payton was ready to make the next play his best.
Good leaders know they have to be ready for their next meeting. Good parents know that they have to welcome their children home from school with hugs and kisses. Teachers and parents know that they have to be fully present, and at their best for the people they care about.
The bottom line is that successful people do not let Garbage Trucks take over their day. What about you? What would happen in your life, starting today, if you let more garbage trucks pass you by?
Here's my bet.
You'll be happier.
So.. Love the people who treat you right. Forget about the ones who don't. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance , TAKE IT! If it changes your life , LET IT! Nobody said it would be easy... They just promised it would be worth it!
Reference:David J. Pollay
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
SHE’LL NEVER BE SATISFIED.
Truth:
Women are always looking for ways to make things better. Don’t take her suggestions as complaints or criticisms, but as her desire to make the relationship or situation the best that it can be.
Belief #2:
A STRONG, CONFIDENT WOMAN DOESN’T NEED A MAN TO TAKE CARE OF HER.
Truth:
Everyone loves to be taken care of and to feel needed. Even if a woman can fix things around the house or change the oil in her car, she will still ask for your help so she can feel your strength, support and protection. Don’t ever stop asking, “What can I do for you?” because it shows her that you care.
Belief #3:
WOMEN ONLY WANT TO CONTROL MEN.
Truth:
It’s not about control; it’s about love. When a woman sees a man hurting, struggling or overwhelmed, her goal is to help, not control.
Let her give you a helping hand.
Belief #4:
KEEPING A WOMAN REQUIRES A LOT OF HARD WORK, TIME AND MONEY.
Truth:
A serious relationship requires time and effort to cultivate it. You shouldn’t look at it as a burden.
Your wife or girlfriend will reciprocate the effort you put into it.
Belief #5:
YOU CAN’T LIE TO WOMEN.
Truth:
Women are extremely capable of picking up moods and attitudes and can easily read body language and facial expressions. Although you may think that you have gotten away with a great lie, she is either letting it slide because she wants to keep the peace, or she is lying to herself because she’s afraid of the truth.
Belief #6:
JEALOUSY AND POSSESSIVENESS ARE A PART OF BEING A WOMAN.
Truth:
Women are protective of what belongs to them.
They protect the things they value, especially when it comes to relationships. It’s not that she doesn’t trust you; she is guarding the relationship.
You are too precious to her for her to allow anything bad to happen.
Belief #7:
WOMEN ARE EMOTIONAL.
Truth:
Women don’t hide their feelings.
They articulate what’s going on in their minds.
There’s nothing wrong with emotions—we all have them. Being in touch with their emotions causes women to be sensitive and caring, and that’s why men love them.
"There are many fine women in the world; but you are the best of them all".
“Her husband can trust her, and she will richly satisfy his needs.”
Friday, May 1, 2009
A successful and strong relationship is one that is built on trust and dependability. If you tell a woman that you are going to do something, she will expect you to keep that commitment. Whether it's a date you've made for dinner, a promise to water her plants while she's on vacation, or a resolution to give up smoking, keeping a pledge is crucial in developing and nurturing a solid foundation for the future. Even if it is something that seems insignificant to you in the big scheme of things (i.e., returning a library book for her on your way home from work), a succession of forgetful moments will diminish her faith in you. Accordingly, if every time you promise to do something triggers a reaction on her part to have a Plan B just in case, it is only a matter of time before she starts seeking out a new companion with a better track record for reliability. Never make a promise unless it is one that you know you can keep.
SHOW HER RESPECT
If you want to keep a special woman in your life, you need to not only let her know that you put her on a pedestal but that you are willing to defend her honor to be there. This means that you don't engage in gossip or divulge confidences, that you don't criticize or belittle her, and that your love life isn't an open book to anyone who's nosey. If up until now your priority has been to spend all your free hours with your football buddies, you may need to start rethinking your agenda. A woman who always takes second, third or last place to other relationships in your life isn't going to stay in the picture for very long. Showing respect also means fidelity to the relationship if you've both made a commitment to monogamy. If you can't stay faithful, you owe her the respect of freeing her to meet someone who will appreciate and honor the treasure that she is.
LEAVE YOUR BAGGAGE AT THE DOOR
The last thing a woman wants is a whiner who does nothing but bemoan the fact that all of her predecessors--and probably life in general--treated him badly. While it's one thing for her to be initially sympathetic, it's draining to listen to the same sob stories day after day. Keep in mind that the more time you spend dwelling on the past, the less energy you'll have to spend building a new future. This also goes for men who talk incessantly about past relationships that were good. Whether the split came about as the result of death or divorce, women don't like to compete with the Ghosts of Relationships Past.
ACCEPT HER AS SHE IS
Maybe your beloved would look better if she lost a couple pounds. Maybe she should update that hairdo and go for something snazzier. Maybe she'd look better on your arm if she wore different clothes. If you find yourself keeping a list of all the things she should be doing, you may be looking for a makeover project instead of a girlfriend or future wife. What you need to ask yourself is whether your barrage of suggestions is really meant to help her or to reinvent her into someone who would better define who you think you are. Women--and men--want to know that they're loved for themselves, not for an idealistic image that may be difficult to obtain. There's a right way and a wrong way to recommend improvement. To imply that you could love her more if she didn't have quite so many flaws is definitely the wrong way.
In today's society, there is no such thing as "a woman's job" or "a man's job." The fact that both parties put in a full day of work shouldn't mean that it's always the female's job to cook the meals, set the table, wash the dishes and do the laundry. You may not be a gourmet chef but that shouldn't stop you from picking up and dishing out Chinese food. Your gender also shouldn't inhibit you from running the vacuum cleaner, walking the dog, or helping put postage stamps on the wedding invitations.
CELEBRATE THE ORDINARY
Too many couples make the mistake of only pulling out all the stops for each other on vacations and special holidays. The rest of the time, they're taking each other for granted. While it's easy to say, "I love you" against an exotic backdrop or go overboard buying presents on Valentine's Day, a happy relationship is one that celebrates itself every day of the year. Buy her a card "just because." Schedule date nights…and keep them! Give her a foot rub when she's had a rough day. Bring her lunch in bed and a favorite DVD when she's under the weather. Let her know on a regular basis that she's not only the love of your life but also the best friend you could ever have. Most of all, remember that "happily ever after" isn't a destination but a journey to be taken hand in hand and heart to heart.
