Monday, August 25, 2008

This is a letter written by Abraham Lincoln to the Headmaster of a school in which his son was studying.


"He will have to learn, I know, that all men are not just and are not true.
But teach him if you can, the wonder of books.. but also give him quiet time to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on a green hillside.

In school, teach him it is far more honorable to fall than to cheat.....
Teach to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him he is wrong.

Teach him to be gentle with gentlepeople and tough with the tough.
Try to give my son the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone getting on the bandwagon...

Teach him to listen to all men; but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truth, and take only the good that comes through.

Teach him, if you can, how to laugh when he is sad... Teach him there is no shame in tears.

Teach him to scoff at cynics and to be beware of too much sweetness.. Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to highest bidders, but never to put a price on his heart and soul.

Teach him to close his ears to a howling mob.. and stand and fight if thinks he is right.

Treat him gently, but do not cuddle him, because only the test of fire makes fine steel.

Let him have the courage to be impatient.. Let him have the patience to be brave. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself, because then he will have faith in humankind.

This is a big order, but see what you can do. . He is such a fine little fellow my son!
- Abraham Lincoln"
This letter never seems to age. It is all about Behaviours and Attitudes that is so vital for the teachers and trainers as they deal with their students and participants alike irrespective of the subjects they teach or the topics they train them in.

It is time we make that commitment to ourselves to learn to understand the science of human behaviour that is so very key in enabling and harnessing the true potential of people be they children or adults.

Yours, Mine, Ours True Story

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders. Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it.

The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness. I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy.

My husband is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about love. One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked. "I am tired; there are no reasons for every thing in the world!" I answered. He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.

My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?

And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him. Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said:" I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response. I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further..."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love travelling but always lose your way in a new city; I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month; I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism m. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails, and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand... and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die...

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favourite bread and fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread.... Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

It is the story which is applicable to all of us. We take things for granted whether it is our employer, employee, Boss, subordinate, family, parents, children, friends or servants.

We take a microscopic view and focus on one small thing instead of taking the broad view. Behaviour is caught, and never taught. We are all victims of the strangle hold of our own glue-like mindsets, die-hard habits and concrete-wall-like Attitudes. It is time you learn the art and science of Behavioural trianing and Development to help yourself lead a better life. You can also end up with the passion of helping your people around you be they members of your team or the family. Attitudes afterall is everything. Now you have a distance learning opportunity to learn and apply and help others too. if you need more details feel free to writie back to me.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

Perception In Life.

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, 'How was the

'It was great, Dad.'

'Did you see how poor people live?' the father asked.

'Oh yeah,' said the son.

'So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?' asked the father

The son answered:

'I saw that we have one dog and they had four.

We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.

We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.

Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.

We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs.

We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.'

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, 'Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.'

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing?

Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

'Life is too short and friends are too few.'

STOP Negative Thoughts.

STOP Negative Thoughts

"What we focus on, we empower and enlarge. Good multiplies when focused upon. Negativity multiplies when focused upon. The choice is ours: Which do we want more of?"

Negative thinking can make all sorts of things incredibly difficult. It is like a leak in our confidence bucket - constantly drip-drip-dripping away our confidence and self esteem. However, once you begin thinking about what you're "thinking about", you've already taken the first step to controlling negative thoughts. Next time you catch yourself repeating the same negative thoughts over and over in your mind, use the STOP acronym:

1. S - Say the word STOP!!!

Interrupt your internal destructive thoughts. Tell yourself firmly to "STOP" over thinking. Be strict, and don't let them intrude on your thoughts. It also might be helpful to visualize a box to place all your negative thoughts in, which you may open at a later date or time.

2. T - TAKE a break!

Take a deep breath. Then, take a break. Go for a walk or a hike, read a great book, listen to your favorite music. Do something to take your attention away from over thinking, and if possible, change the environment. Also try some relaxation exercises, they often focus on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.

3. O - Focus on the OUTCOME!!!

Focus on the OUTCOME of your goals. Affirm why you are committed to your goals. The way we feel and what we experience in our body comes from what we focus our attention upon during a given moment. And at any moment, we are "deleting" most of what is going on around us. That is, to feel bad, we have to delete (not focus on, not think about) everything that's great in our life. And vice versa. For us to feel good, we have to delete the things we could feel bad about

4. P - PRAISE yourself!

PRAISE and acknowledge yourself for the progress you are making. Remember, you're looking for progress, not perfection! Give yourself a reward every time you're successful with overcoming negative thoughts. And remember small changes make a big difference.

By recognizing that you do have negative thoughts you've taken the first step. Now, start playing Devil's Advocate and challenge yourself to find the positive. Turn your thoughts around and your moods will follow suit.

And remember, You Are What You Think!!!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Mediation: Shorter, Faster, Less Expensive
Mediation is getting a second look from companies concerned about hair-raising judgments and settlements from traditional court disputes. Should your organization be looking, too?

Mediation is a simple concept, says The Justice Center of Atlanta:

"Bring both sides of a dispute together. With the assistance of a neutral mediator, enable them to speak their mind fully, and to hear and understand each other. Help them find the common ground that may have existed all along, but was hidden by anger, or fear, or misunderstanding. That is the essence of mediation."

What should you expect at mediation? Here's a summary of the typical steps in the process:

1. Opening Statement by the Mediator

The mediator's opening statement sets the tone for the mediation and provides ground rules. The content is up to the individual mediator, but typically it covers the following:
  • Mediator's identity and qualifications.
  • Mediator's role. "I am not a judge or a decision maker. My job is to facilitate communication."
  • Assertion of neutrality and impartiality.
  • Ground rules for the process, and the mediator's expectations for the parties.
  • Confidentiality rules for what the mediator can and cannot reveal.
  • Confirmations:
    -That the parties are there voluntarily,
    -That they are prepared to attempt to resolve the dispute in good faith, and
    -That they have the authority to mediate and make agreements on behalf of the organization.

2. Opening Statements
Each party presents an opening statement, typically covering:

  • Its view of the dispute
  • The relief or resolution that it thinks is appropriate
  • Anything that they wish to add to shed light on their position

Usually the party taking action, the complainant, goes first. Both parties fully explain their positions, even if they become emotional. (Venting by the parties can be the first step in putting the dispute behind them and moving toward resolution.)

3. Joint Discussion

The mediator generally starts the joint discussion by summarizing the parties' opening statements. Clarifying questions are then asked of each party so the issues can be properly identified, and so the mediator is satisfied that he or she understands the issues. The mediator may allow or encourage the parties to ask questions of each other.

4. Caucus with the Parties

At some point in the discussion, the mediator typically breaks the parties into separate groups called caucuses. During this time, each group is in a different physical location. The mediator meets privately with each party. This step often lasts for several hours. Virtually everything discussed in the caucuses, unless it was previously disclosed, is confidential. The mediator does not reveal the information to the other party.

Caucuses and joint sessions may continue to alternate. At some point, the mediation process will come to a close.

5. Closure

Either the parties reach agreement, partial or full, or they do not. In most cases the mediation session will close with at least some issues resolved. Once an issue has a specific solution agreed to, it is reduced to writing by the mediator, then reviewed and signed by the parties.

The mediation should end when settlement no longer seems possible, i.e., there is no more movement by the parties on any of the issues, and the parties and all possibilities seem exhausted, or if one of the parties withdraws from the mediation. However, the door should always be left open for future meetings as the parties may be amenable to settlement after time has passed, and particularly after a hard look at their next options.

Is mediation for you?