Thursday, October 30, 2008


A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the gem of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for office so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife, preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter.

The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle fascinated by its color and drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband.

When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he looked at his wife and uttered just five words.

1. What were the five words ?
2. What is the implication of this story?


The husband just said "I am with you Darling"

The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior.
The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother.
Besides, if only he had taken time to keep the bottle away, this would not have happened.
No one is to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.

If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there would be much fewer problems in the world. "
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you

This story is really worth reading. ..... Sometimes we spend time in asking who is responsible or whom to blame, whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. By this way we miss out something called LIFE.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

If you compare, you are insulting yourself.

No one will manufacture a lock without a key.

Similarly God won't give problems without solutions.

Life laughs at you when you are unhappy...

Life smiles at you when you are happy...

Life salutes you when you make others happy...

Every successful person has a painful story...Every painful story has a successful ending

Accept the pain and get ready for success..

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others....Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

It is easier to protect your feet with slippers than to cover the earth with carpet.

No one can go back and change a bad beginning; But anyone can start now and create a successful ending..

If a problem can be solved, no need to worry about it..If a problem cannot be solved what is the use of worrying?

If you miss an opportunity don't fill the eyes with tears...It will hide another better opportunity in front of you

"Changing the Face" can change nothing. But "Facing the Change" can change everything.

Don't complain about others; Change yourself if you want peace.

Mistakes are painful when they happen. But year's later collection of mistakes is called experience, which leads to success.

Be bold when you loose and be calm when you win. Be bold when you loose and be calm when you win.

Heated gold becomes ornament. Beaten copper becomes wires. Depleted stone becomes statue. So the more pain you get in life you become more valuable.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Are you true to yourself?

You decide for yourself what you want. It is not for others to decide for you. Instead of always listening to others, listen to your own heart.

Have you been true to yourself ? Have you being following your heart, believing in yourself; trusting your very own belief ? Or has this thought never even occurred to you before? Now that you are reading this, give yourself this chance and ask yourself this question. Be true and answer it honestly. It is a very simple question to answer, isn’t it? To answer it, say either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. It’s as simple as that! But very often, things are not that simple for many. You might be one of them.

Living as we do in a modernised, fast-changing, ever-developing time, it is indeed hard for things to be that simple. Every one of us is, in a way, forced to keep up with the pace, brainwashed to just believe in the system. We are taught to believe that in order to survive and to be successful, we have to follow what is laid down for us, follow what everyone else is doing; that we should be doing this and not doing that.

But are you not the one who is supposed to be telling yourself what you should do, rather than being told by others? The sad truth is, many of us unknowingly live our lives, only to be consumed by regret in our later years; when it is too late to do anything. It’s a scary thought, isn’t it?

Now, this is certainly not the way life should be. To begin with, life shouldn't be this stressful. Yes, to constantly learn and to improve ourselves is what we should be doing. But you should not lose your direction, drifting further and further away from the real you.

Are you the real you now? You have to understand this. Right within you there exists two states, your inner self and your outer self. Your inner self is made up of your thoughts and beliefs, your outer self comprises of the actions which support your inner thoughts. To put it simply, your inner self plus your outer self equal to the real you.

To be the real you, your inner self and outer self must complement one another. Remember this. You came into this world with a journey of your own to discover. This life journey is yours and yours alone and nobody else’s. You decide for yourself what you want. It is not for others to decide for you. If you have to please someone, please yourself, not somebody else.

For all that exists in this world, there is always the equal and the opposite side. But though they may be opposing, they are at all times interrelating. This is the natural way of life. When there is day there will be night. When there is a positive there will be a negative. When there are strengths, there will also be weaknesses. The list goes on.

Similarly within you, when you can be happy you can be unhappy too. Surely, happiness is what you seek in life? So, be true to yourself ! It is only when you are true to yourself that you will find happiness. Instead of listening to others to allow them to tell you that you shouldn't do this and that, you tell yourself that you must do this and you must do that! Instead of listening to others, listen to your heart.

What is right and what is wrong? There is never a definite right or wrong. You do what you think is right for yourself. Just picture this scenario. Right from the time that we are children, we have been taught over and over again that it is a sin to lie. Now, let me ask you something. If you can actually save a person’s life by telling a kind lie, would you? Suppose telling a kind lie would result in him being spared and given another chance, while telling the truth would mean that the poor man would lose his life. Now, which is a sin, to tell a lie or to indirectly murder someone? The line between being a saint or a murderer is a thin one.

Similarly, there is a thin line between a happy and unhappy you. Which side of the line do you want to be? To be a truthfully happy person, your actions must complements your thoughts and belief. You have to understand this. Even the slightest decision can affect your life. Sometimes having just a few additional minutes of sleep can make a difference to your day. Those few minutes could decide whether you will have an efficient day or a bad one.

Seek the correct way of life. Be true to yourself and you are bound to find happiness.

Jon Sim

Sunday, October 19, 2008


On a dark and foggy night, a small figure lay huddled on the railway tracks leading to the Chennai station. At once I was held back to see someone in that position during midnight with no one around. With curiosity taking the front seat, I went near the body and tried to investigate it. There was blood all over the body which was lying face down. It seemed that a ruthless blow by the last train could have caused the end of this body which seemed to be that of a guy of around my age. Amidst the gory blood flow, I could see a folded white envelope which was fluttering in the midnight wind. Carefully I took the blood stained envelope and was surprised to see the phrase "appraisal letter" on it. With curiosity rising every moment, I wasted no time in opening the envelope to see if I can find some details about the dead guy. The tag around the body's neck and the jazzy appraisal cover gave me the hint that he might be a software engineer.

I opened the envelope to find a shining paper on which the appraisal details where typed in flying colors. Thunders broke into my ears and lightening struck my heart when I saw the appraisal amount of the dead guy!!!!!
My God, it was not even, as much as the cost of the letter on which the appraisal details were printed.... My heart poured out for the guy and huge calls were heard inside my mind saying "no wonder, this guy died such a miserable death"... As a fellow worker in the same industry, I thought I should mourn for him for the sake of respect and stood there with a heavy heart thinking of the shock that he would have experienced when his manager had placed the appraisal letter in his hand. I am sure his heart would have stopped and eyes would have gone blank for few seconds looking at the near to nothing increment in his salary.

While I mourned for him, for a second my hands froze to see the employee's name in the appraisal letter...hey, what a strange co-incidence, this guy's name is same as mine, including the initials. This was interesting. With some mental strength, I turned the body upside down and found myself fainted for a second. The guy not only had my name, but also looked exactly like me. Same looks, same built, same name.... it was me who was dead there!!!!!!!! While I was lost in that shock, I felt someone patting on my shoulders. My heart stopped completely, I could not breathe and sprung in fear to see who was behind......... Splash!!!

Went the glass of water on my laptop screen as, I came out of my wild dream to see my manager standing behind my chair patting on my shoulder saying, "Wake up man! Come to meeting room umber two. I have your appraisal letter ready".

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Concentration Finds The Way

Everyone has two natures. One wants us to advance and the other wants to pull us back. The one that we cultivate and concentrate on decides what we are at the end. Both natures are trying to gain control. The will alone decides the issue. A man by one supreme effort of the will may change his whole career and almost accomplish miracles. You may be that man. You can be if you Will to be, for Will can find a way or make one.

I could easily fill a book, of cases where men plodding along in a matter-of-fact way, were all at once aroused and as if awakening from a slumber they developed the possibilities within them and from that time on were different persons. You alone can decide when the turning point will come. It is a matter of choice whether we allow our diviner self to control us or whether we will be controlled by the brute within us. No man has to do anything he does not want to do. He is therefore the director of his life if he wills to be. What we are to do, is the result of our training. We are like putty, and can be completely controlled by our will power.

Habit is a matter of acquirement. You hear people say: "He comes by this or that naturally, a chip off the old block," meaning that he is only doing what his parents did. This is quite often the case, but there is no reason for it, for a person can break a habit just the moment he masters the "I will". A man may have been a "good-for-nothing" all his life up to this very minute, but from this time on he begins to amount to something. Even old men have suddenly changed and accomplished wonders. "I lost my opportunity," says one. That may be true, but by sheer force of will, we can find a way to bring us another opportunity. There is no truth in the saying that opportunity knocks at our door but once in a lifetime. The fact is, opportunity never seeks us; we must seek it. What usually turns out to be one man's opportunity was another man's loss. In this day one man's brain is matched against another's. It is often the quickness of brain action that determines the result. One man thinks "I will do it," but while he procrastinates the other goes ahead and does the work. They both have the same opportunity. The one will complain of his lost chance. But it should teach him a lesson, and it will, if he is seeking the path that leads to success.

Many persons read good books, but say they do not get much good out of them. They do not realize that all any book or any lesson course can do is to awaken them to their possibilities; to stimulate them to use their will power. You may teach a person from now until doom's day, but that person will only know what he learns himself. "You can lead him to the fountain, but you can't make him drink."

One of the most beneficial practices I know of is that of looking for the good in everyone and everything, for there is good in all things. We encourage a person by seeing his good qualities and we also help ourselves by looking for them. We gain their good wishes, a most valuable asset sometimes. We get back what we give out. The time comes when most all of us need encouragement; need buoying up. So form the habit of encouraging others, and you will find it a wonderful tonic for both those encouraged and yourself, for you will get back encouraging and uplifting thoughts.

Life furnishes us the opportunity to improve. But whether we do it or not depends upon how near we live up to what is expected of us. The first of each month, a person should sit down and examine the progress he has made. If he has not come up to "expectations" he should discover the reason, and by extra exertion measure up to what is demanded next time. Every time that we fall behind what we planned to do, we lose just so much for that time is gone forever. We may find a reason for doing it, but most excuses are poor substitutes for action. Most things are possible. Ours may be a hard task, but the harder the task, the greater the reward. It is the difficult things that really develop us, anything that requires only a small effort, utilizes very few of our faculties, and yields a scanty harvest of achievement. So do not shrink from a hard task, for to accomplish one of these will often bring us more good than a dozen lesser triumphs.

I know that every man that is willing to pay the price can be a success. The price is not in money, but in effort. The first essential quality for success is the desire to do--to be something. The next thing is to learn how to do it; the next to carry it into execution. The man that is the best able to accomplish anything is the one with a broad mind; the man that has acquired knowledge, that may, it is true, be foreign to this particular case, but is, nevertheless, of some value in all cases. So the man that wants to be successful must be liberal; he must acquire all the knowledge that he can; he must be well posted not only in one branch of his business but in every part of it. Such a man achieves success.

The secret of success is to try always to improve yourself no matter where you are or what your position is. Learn all you can. Don't see how little you can do, but how much you can do. Such a man will always be in demand, for he establishes the reputation of being a hustler. There is always room for him because progressive firms never let a hustler leave their employment if they can help it.

The man that reaches the top is the gritty, plucky, hard worker and never the timid, uncertain, slow worker. An untried man is seldom put in a position of responsibility and power. The man selected is one that has done something, achieved results in some line, or taken the lead in his department. He is placed there because of his reputation of putting vigor and virility into his efforts, and because he has previously shown that he has pluck and determination.

The man that is chosen at the crucial time is not usually a genius; he does not possess any more talent than others, but he has learned that results can only be produced by untiring concentrated effort. That "miracles," in business do not just "happen." He knows that the only way they will happen is by sticking to a proposition and seeing it through. That is the only secret of why some succeed and others fail. The successful man gets used to seeing things accomplished and always feels sure of success. The man that is a failure gets used to seeing failure, expects it and attracts it to him.

It is my opinion that with the right kind of training every man could be a success. It is really a shame that so many men and women, rich in ability and talent, are allowed to go to waste, so to speak. Some day I hope to see a millionaire philanthropist start a school for the training of failures. I am sure he could not put his money to a better use. In a year's time the science of practical psychology could do wonders for him. He could have agencies on the lookout for men that had lost their grip on themselves; that had through indisposition weakened their will; that through some sorrow or misfortune had become discouraged. At first all they need is a little help to get them back on their feet, but usually they get a knock downwards instead. The result is that their latent powers never develop and both they and the world are the losers. I trust that in the near future, someone will heed the opportunity of using some of his millions in arousing men that have begun to falter. All they need to be shown is that there is within them an omnipotent source that is ready to aid them, providing they will make use of it. Their minds only have to be turned from despair to hope to make them regain their hold.

When a man loses his grip today, he must win his redemption by his own will. He will get little encouragement or advice of an inspiring nature. He must usually regain the right road alone. He must stop dissipating his energies and turn his attention to building a useful career. Today we must conquer our weakening tendencies alone. Don't expect anyone to help you. Just take one big brace, make firm resolutions, and resolve to conquer your weaknesses and vices. Really none can do this for you. They can encourage you; that is all.

I can think of nothing, but lack of health that should interfere with one becoming successful. There is no other handicap that you should not be able to overcome. To overcome a handicap, all that it is necessary to do is to use more determination and grit and will.

The man with grit and will may be poor today and wealthy in a few years; will power is a better asset than money; Will will carry you over chasms of failure, if you but give it the chance.

The men that have risen to the highest positions have usually had to gain their victories against big odds. Think of the hardships many of our inventors have gone through before they became a success. Usually they have been very much misunderstood by relatives and friends. Very often they did not have the bare necessities of life, yet, by sheer determination and resolute courage, they managed to exist somehow until they perfected their inventions, which afterwards greatly helped in bettering the condition of others.

Everyone really wants to do something, but there are few that will put forward the needed effort to make the necessary sacrifice to secure it. There is only one way to accomplish anything and that is to go ahead and do it. A man may accomplish almost anything today if he just sets his heart on doing it and lets nothing interfere with his progress. Obstacles are quickly overcome by the man that sets out to accomplish his heart's desire. The "bigger" the man, the smaller the obstacle appears. The "smaller" the man, the greater the obstacle appears. Always look at the advantage you gain by overcoming obstacles, and it will give you the needed courage for their conquest.

Do not expect that you will always have easy sailing. Parts of your journey are likely to be rough. Don't let the rough places put you out of commission. Keep on with the journey. Just the way you weather the storm shows what material you are made of. Never sit down and complain of the rough places, but think how nice the pleasant stretches were. View with delight the smooth plains that are in front of you.

Do not let a setback stop you. Think of it as a mere incident that has to be overcome before you can reach your goal.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

How To Handle Negative thoughts,Fears.

I recently heard about someone who had been laid off at the company he worked at because of the faltering economy. He didn't have many job leads and his motivation was at an all-time low. He felt that there was nothing more frightening than being at an uncertain job market. 

Panic and fear quickly took over; where would he go from go from there?

How would he pay his bills?

How would he cope with uncertainty?

His mind was plagued with self-doubting, self-defeating thoughts and he began to spiral out of control, right into a dangerous state of anxiety that threatened to paralyze him into stagnant ground forever. 

As he began to realize what a toll his predicament was leaving him in, it became clear to him that he needed to take action and do something to get himself out of the hole he was in. 

Once he sat down and began to reflect on things, working through the paralyzing fear and the negativity that came along with the devastation of losing his dream job and having to start over from the beginning, everything started to make sense and he was on a roll! 

Sometimes it takes a moment of crisis to help us refocus our thoughts and energies into what we want our professional and personal goals to be and what we need to accomplish. 

The following points will help you focus and concentrate on the positive rather than dwell on the negative, motivating you to move forward into action rather than leaving you stuck in a rut. 

Reading through them should help you gain some perspectives into your particular situation:

-Allow yourself to be upset and grieve if things have gone wrong.

Sometimes you suffer from start-up inertia because you have to make a new start and you're stubbornly holding on to the way things were. It is perfectly normal to feel panicked, upset, angry, sad, even outraged; you wouldn't be human if you didn't feel that way. Take some time to get in touch with those feelings. The night this person got laid off he went home, Fell into bed and literally could not move for 45 minutes. Then he got up, took a bath, changed into some comfortable clothes, and then he spent some time sitting in front of the television watching his favorite show. 

Give your mind and body time to settle into the initial shock of change, whatever it may be. But focus primarily on how you feel and let those feelings out. 

-Take a DEEP BREATH! -

Your mind deserves it, your body deserves it, your lungs deserve it. Taking deep breaths improves circulation, calms anxiety and helps you focus. Once you're done moping, take a deep breath and start to move.

-Organize your home, organize your life -

Is your house a mess? What about your room or your home office? Can you not see yourself going through the piles of papers on top of your desk? Have you looked at your bills lately and seen what you have? If you haven't done any of these things, now is the time to do it. There is nothing more stressful when we are in a state of panic than a living space that has no room for us to live in it. So tackle the mess; wash those clothes, clean out that pantry, throw out the clutter, get those bills out of the way. You'll be surprised how much more motivated you will be when you surround yourself with cleanliness and order.

-Surround yourself with positive people -

Now would be a good time to reconnect with friends that you haven't spoken to in a while, or even with the friends that you talked to just yesterday, those friends that always have an encouraging word, who are helpful and positive. Do yourself a favor and avoid people who are always down in the dumps, or who always have something negative to say.


-Don't confuse negativity with constructive criticism - Some friends may seem like they're helping but they're just feeding the cynicism. Conversely, friends that may appear to be negative are actually offering ways to help by sharing your experiences and showing you a better way to focus. Listen to the people that are there for you, take what you can use, and dismiss those things that you don't want to use or that you can't use. Don't allow yourself to be brought down by it. Take charge of your life again.

-Have someone objective to talk to -

When possible, sometimes having an objective third party to talk to and run ideas by can be tremendously helpful. In some cases, a therapist can be of vital importance in your growth process towards finding yourself and focusing on your career and life goals. They can provide you with a perspective that is sound, rational and unbiased, while still keeping your best interests in mind.

-Keep a journal of your progress -

Write your ideas and your thoughts down and read over them the day after. You will gain some valuable perspective and insight into your own growth and where you are at.

-Get out of the house!

Take your laptop or notebook to the local coffee shop or park, somewhere with some interaction and get out into the world! This will give you a chance to get out of the house and possibly meet some people, network and create some opportunities towards accomplishing your goals.

-Actively look for opportunities to do the things that you love most and turn them into opportunities for you - Do you enjoy attending art shows? Love doing volunteer work? Do you like playing with friends or going to the library or attending meetings? These are all things that would not only satisfy the craving for you to do something that you enjoy, but it would also present you with opportunities to network, meet people that could help you get ahead, and spend time taking care of yourself and your mental and emotional health.

-Finally, SMILE and BELIEVE! -

Easier said than done. Believe me, nothing about our friend's situation warranted a smile and some faith. But had he not kept himself smiling, it would have been so much harder to be positive and pull out of that state of anxiety. Believe in yourself and the things that you have accomplished and remember that you are capable of achieving anything you set your mind to do. So dress up, get your smile and go out into the world! 

Taking heed of these valuable insights will help you create and maintain a positive energy source in your life and keep inertia at bay. You will feel better, be more motivated and definitely more at peace. 

All it takes is for you to make that first move. Don't let panic paralyze you into inertia. Anything is possible; it's up to you to make it happen!!!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships. When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.

A telephone operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered, "Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated, "PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB . Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it is."

Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".


A man asked his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage. Could you please share with me your secret?"
The father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better husband than

We all look forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face. Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four fingers are pointing at ourselves.

If we forgive others, others will ignore our mistake too.


A person visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking, polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my
leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."

There is a saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship. Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.


Many relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,or demands too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."

It is not easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.

It would be less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations. .


There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party .

A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, "Luckily you married me.Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."

Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a broken egg - cannot be reversed.


Different people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home,a boy commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey. He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the husband ride on the donkey.

Further on the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.

It seems to be the only choice left. Later, on a narrow bridge, the donkey was frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river. You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.

Thus, do not be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear..


This is a true story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.

Although the doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I'm sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers going to grow back?"
The father went home & committed suicide.

Think about this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take revenge . Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.

People make mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a rage will haunt us forever.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

What Causes Stress in Life?

What Causes Stress?

One of the facts that makes identifying the causes of stress difficult is that they can be nearly anything and can differ from person to person.

Losing a job, ending a close relationship, discovering a health problem... in the modern world there is no shortage of possible initiators. Also, some people react to these facts very differently than others. While some will be anxious, others will be stoic. Some people may thrive on the challenge of finding a new love, while others may feel lonely and despair at the odds of fulfilling their dream.

The causes are neither entirely external nor internal, but generally involve both.

Losing a job can be an occasion for stress. A person may see his or her income plummet and wonder where the next paycheck is going to come from. Another, even in the same job market, may see the change as an opportunity to move away from a less than ideal situation to one that will be better in the future.

Similarly, ending a close relationship - whether with a friend, a romantic partner, or a valued family member - can be stressful. But very quickly, at least in some cases, a person can come to view the situation as involving less of a loss or more of a chance to find a new love. Reactions vary because individuals are unique. They interpret their experiences differently.

But, though different, individuals within a culture often share many similar views and a common outlook. Because individuals are individual humans, they also share common physical risks.

Nearly everyone will be stressed if they are confronted by a dangerous criminal. Severe health problems - radical cancer, debilitating arthritis or even 'just' a major operation - will rarely be met with calm acceptance, at least initially. Many non-threatening circumstances will be met with similar feelings as well. Unjust treatment at work by an unreasonable supervisor, disrespect by neighbors or just simple indifference to justice will cause stress for nearly anyone.

The underlying causes of stress often have less to do with the external circumstances than an individual's expectations for the future and their evaluation of their own capacity to meet them.

If someone discovers the need to have a tumor removed, they may feel some stress. But, it can be less than another would feel if they believe their general health is good and they'll come through well. Someone who loses a job may be concerned, but their confidence in their ability to obtain another quickly and easily can result in only minor stress.

These examples show that both the causes of stress and the degree and length of time it's felt are a function of several factors. One of the major factors is the attitude of the person in the given situation. If you feel you can overcome serious hurdles quickly or without major loss, you will evaluate fewer external events as a cause for stress. When you do experience it, the degree of stress will be less.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Is there anyone around who makes you feel deserted and drained..?

Beware! That’s an Energy Vampire...

Some people bring unexpected lightness and comfort to your life. They crackle with energy, practically electrify you with their presence. And then there are those who leave you feeling stressed out. Or guilty. Or exhausted down to your very last molecule. I call them Energy Vampires. Obnoxious or meek, they come in all forms, can come from any side.

How Energy Vampires Drain Your Positive Energy

Energy vampires drain positive energy in many ways, such as:
  • Intruding on your life, ignoring boundaries and privacy (energy vampires don't think of you).
  • Making big deals out of nothing. Energy vampires are often called "drama queens" because they can easily turn a broken nail into a Shakespearean tragedy. Negative energy spreads from everyday events.
  • Complaining constantly about their partners, jobs, children, bad luck, and illnesses. Energy vampires like to vent.
  • Criticizing your hair, appearance, job, children, partner, friends, and pets (energy vampires aren't positive).
  • Not taking "no" for an answer. Energy vampires don't consider your needs at all.
  • Being unrelentingly negative. Their negative energy is unrelentless, and energy vampires drain your positive energy by encouraging you to be negative, too.
  • Blaming everyone else for their problems (energy vampires don't take responsibility).
Energy vampires drain energy: you feel depressed after a conversation

You know you've spent time with an energy vampire when you leave feeling depressed, exhausted, or sad. Energy vampires drain your positive energy for their own use. Energy vampires leave you feeling empty and sluggish -- and to compensate or build positive energy you may eat, drink, shop, or sleep for hours afterwards.

Energy vampires have energy leaks: they need your positive energy

Energy vampires come in all shapes and sizes: loud and aggressive, soft-spoken and shy, charming and seductive, pushy and overbearing. Energy vampires have energy leaks that they need to fill. It's up to you to stop energy vampires from draining your positive energy. Often energy vampires don't even realize they're bleeding you dry. Energy vampires have often suffered some sort of crisis, whether in childhood or adulthood, and they're compensating to get rid of their negative energy. Energy vampires may not be deliberately, maliciously stealing your positive energy -- but they're definitely not contributing to a fantastic relationship.

They drain positive energy, but you can learn to stop energy vampires.

11 ways to stop energy vampires:

1. Limit the amount of time you spend with energy vampires. The less time you're together, the less positive energy you'll lose.

2. Learn effective ways to end conversations with energy vampires (e.g., “I only have ten minutes to talk.”)

3. Stay calm and detached from energy vampires. Don't let their negative energy consume you.

4. Be honest about your needs (e.g., “I need this time to work/read/relax/exercise.”)

5. Refrain from attempting to rescue them or fix an energy vampire's problems.

6. Practice walking away from energy vampires; the more you do it, the easier it gets.

7. Limit eye contact with energy vampires.

8. Avoid being in close spaces with energy vampires (elevators, cars, close chambers, etc). Negative energy is catching.

9. Define and guard your personal space from energy vampires.

10. Tell energy vampires you feel uncomfortable discussing particular people or circumstances.

11. Stand up for yourself and your boundaries! Your time, positive energy, and resources are precious and should be closely guarded from energy vampires.

No matter which type of energy vampire you're dealing with, you're allowed to walk away. Many of us find this really hard to do. We're afraid of being thought of as impolite; we don't want to offend people. But there are plenty of ways to remove yourself from a killing conversation. When leaving isn't an option, you can still maintain your energy level by making a few minor adjustments.

Recognize the Signs

One of the first things to do is to recognize when you're being drained, and that begins with tuning in to your physical reactions. Is there a tightening in your chest when a certain person enters the conversation? Do you feel tired when you hang up the phone after speaking with someone? Does your head ache, or do you feel what I call "slimed" when another guest at a cocktail party starts talking to you?

Take a Deep Breath

The moment you feel zapped -- or hemmed in, or stressed out -- I recommend taking a breath. Breathing is a wonderful way to center yourself. Just follow the breath and tell yourself that you know what's happening and you can deal with it. It's important to remember our individual power. I know from research that we can lose it easily. The minute somebody comes in who is bossy or blaming, we feel diminished and tensed up. If we can focus on the breath, or on an image of a striking sunset or a view from a mountain top, the tension will drift away.

Use Your Energy

You can also use some of your own subtle energy to counter the effects of an energy vampire. Visualize a protective white light around you: an energy shield. You can still hear the person who's yelling at you or blaming you or pushing himself into your sphere, but he won't cut into you so viscerally anymore. You've created a buffer zone, where his negative influences can dissipate.

Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries is another way of protecting yourself; you draw a line saying, for instance, "This is what I can do for you, and this is what I can't." You don't have to convince the vampire of the rightness of your stance. Getting defensive simply adds to the negative charge of the encounter. You want to remain neutral. When someone starts pushing your buttons, and you start sizzling inside, you've got to make the decision not to react.

Step Back

I also suggest you step back and think about what type of people aggravate you, because I believe that one law of energy is that we attract what we haven't yet worked out in ourselves. If I'm a very angry person, I'll find myself surrounded by angry people. By paying attention to the people who seem so draining, you might discover something you need to address. It has been my experience that once you've worked through a particular issue, you're no longer worn out by that kind of energy vampire. And the vampires, robbed of a source, move on to more easily drainable audiences.

The Value of Life...

A beautiful Story :

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Moral :

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

A. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

B. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

C. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

D. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

God is There.....


His dad takes him into the forest, blindfolded, and leaves him, he was required to sit on a stump the whole night and not to take off the blindfold until the rays of sun shine through it, he cannot cry out for help to anyone.

Once he survives the night he is a man. He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, each lad must come into his own manhood. The boy was terrified and could hear all kinds of noise. Beasts were all around him; maybe even some human would hurt him. The wind blew the grass, and it shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold, it was the only way he could become a man.

Finally, after a horrific night, the sound of the night disappeared; he could feel the warmth of the sun, he removed his blindfold. It was then that he saw his father sitting on the stump next to him, keeping watch the entire night.

We are never alone. Even when we do not know it, God is always sitting on the stump beside us to watch and protect us; all we have to do is to take off our blindfolds.

Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, and leave the rest to God.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Smoothen Bumps in Your Life!!!

How we deal with the changes in life impacts how well we deal with life itself. Do we see change as an opportunity for growth, or do we desperately try to hang on to the status quo? Here are some tips to help you weather changes and smooth out the bumps in your life.

Decide NOW!!!

Successful people achieve great things for themselves and others because they use their God-given ability to plan. One of the many ways we differ from animals is that our brains have a frontal lobe that houses the ability to contemplate the future. There have been cases where individuals suffered damage to this frontal lobe and lost the ability to think ahead. They could not tell you.

The BEST Advice

Don't date because you are desperate. Don't marry because you are miserable. Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior. Don't philander because you think you are irresistible. Don't associate with people you can't trust. Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend. Don't dictate because you are smarter. Don't demand because you are stronger. Don't sleep around because

Get Smarter or at least Look Smarter: 10 Tips

With the right work you can get smarter, but there are also things you can do to appear to be more intelligent, and you can use some of them right now. So if you want to impress your boss or your friends with your intelligence, try a few of the techniques below. Some of them may actually improve your thinking skills too. 1. Study a current topic. Everyone has opinions about events in.

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to every person you meet. To make all your friends feel like there is something in them. To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and expect only the best.
Life is a mixture of good times and bad times,happy moments and unhappy moments.The next time you are experiencingone of those bad times or unhappy moments,Try your best not to let the situation get the best of you.If the going gets tough and you are at your breaking point; show resilience.Bend; But don't break!

See God in Every Person

See God in Every Person

I invite you to try an experiment today. It's very simple and won't take up any of your time. Here's all you have to do:

see God in every person who crosses your path today.

Make believe every person you see has a large name tag that says "God" on his or her chest. If it is inconsistent with your religious beliefs to see any human as God, make believe the name tag says "Created by God."

In this experiment, there are no exceptions. When you see your spouse or your child, you are seeing God. As you pass strangers on the street, look at each as if you are looking at God.

If you're in a crowded public area and some loudmouth is using a cell phone, just look at that person knowing you are seeing God, or a creation of God. You know what you would say or think about that person if you weren't doing this experiment.
But what would you say if you were seeing God in that person?

Would you mumble profanities or criticize the person for being an inconsiderate jerk?

As you walk through your offices at work, see the name tag clearly on each person and know that you are seeing God as each person passes. How loving and caring would you be if you could see God in every person? The moment you focus on God, your mind tends to stop. The judgment stops, and all you recognize is love.

You'll be amazed at how your world changes when you see God in every person. You'll be able to look past the labels you have assigned to these people - Caucasian, African-American, pretty, ugly, fat, thin, sloppy, neat, generous, selfish, etc.; you may notice some of these characteristics, but they won't be important to you. You will see through them to the divinity within.

With your new focus, your heart is joined with each person and you feel connection, not separation. You have no interest in criticizing. You are full of compassion. You project the love that is in you and that love is reflected back to you.

This really isn't an unusual experiment or a stretch of the truth. Many religions and spiritual traditions believe that everything IS God, that the life force or energy we refer to as God appears as every bit of matter in the universe.

Even if you believe that you are somehow separate from God, you probably believe that you are created by God, in the image of God. Thus, there is an element of the Divine in every human being.

I'll be the first to admit that this experiment can present some difficult challenges. While you may be able to see God in your child or in a stranger on the street, you might have considerable resistance to seeing God in those whose behavior
you find cruel or immoral - such as those who have committed murder, rape, or have molested a child.

I don't have an easy answer for you; each person must come to his or her own conclusions. However, something tells me we are called to see God in every person, to see beyond behavior to the divine love that connects all of us.

See God in every person who crosses your path today. You'll have a day unlike any you've ever experienced. Maybe you'll want to continue the experiment beyond one day. The only "entity" that will raise an objection is your MIND, which is
conditioned to see differences and to judge others.

If you're ready to get a glimpse of your true nature, and your capacity for love and joy, begin this experiment immediately.

Mohandas Gandhi said it beautifully: "If you don't find God in the next person you meet, it is a waste of time looking for him further."

Jeff Keller

Success Keys

Hell and Heaven.

A good man after his death was given a choice to reside in Hell or Heaven.. He requested for a permission to visit both before deciding. He first went to hell .

Contrary to his expectation, hell looked to be a rich place. He went to the lunch room and he saw the delicious dishes being served.

However he was surprised to see that the residents looked famished and ill and were not eating. He realized that they had no elbow joints so could not bend their arms and feed. So all they could do is to look at the food and fight

He quickly wanted to visit heaven. When he entered heaven he found out residents having similar deformity - no elbow joint. He was shocked , expecting that they will also face the same predicament as the hell’s residence

But to his pleasant surprise they were happy joking and looked well fed . He moved to the dinner room and then he saw the most beautiful sight. The residents as they could not bend their hands were feeding each other with the straightened arms.


Why we cannot follow the doctrine of mutual help in our own life?

Why are we always selfish in our behaviour?

Are we sensitive to other’s needs?

We always think of I, me , myself ……?

Live in the Present

Once a clock master was repairing a clock.

The pendulum requested the clock master to be relieved of it’s duty of ticking. It said “ I am exhausted ticking every second, 60 times a minutes 3600 times an hour , 86400 times every day and 31536000 times in an year. I cannot do more, I can't continue….”

The click master replied “do not think for the future just tick one second a day and you will enjoy it to the rest of your life.”

The pendulum decided to follow the advice and is still ticking happily.

The present moment is never unbearable if we live it fully.

We most of the time swing from past to present to future and are always unhappy.

What holds us living in present ??

How to see , feel here, now…?

Think about the present , live the current moment, current hour , current day, current week….?

God Help

A disciple visited the saint and left his horse untied outside. He bowed to the saint saying that he has full faith in God and have left his horse untied with the belief that God will protect his interest.

The saint replied , “go tie your horse you fool. God will not bother to do such thing which you are perfectly capable of doing.”

Be Accountable of your Actions

Do not depend on God what you can do on your own.

We blame our destiny, external circumstances to cover up our lack of efforts

We should be accountable for our actions.



There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court.

The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, amour Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."

What is the moral of the story? We get back in life what we give to others. Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question: Am I giving fair value for the wages or mo ney I hope to make?

Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face. Others lie so much that they don't even know what the truth is anymore. But who are they deceiving? Themselves--- more than anyone else.

Honesty can be put across gently. Some people take pride in being brutally honest. It seems they are getting a bigger kick out of the brutality than the honesty. Choice of words and tact are important.

Kabbalah movement in British schools

The Kabbalah movement has started running spirituality' classes for pupils as young as seven. Five primaries and a secondary school have introduced the Spirituality for Kids programme. Devotees of the trendy movement visit the schools and teach youngsters to find the light and reject an inner voice called the opponent. The Spirituality for Kids group, or SFK, insists the classes are nonreligious but one head said he had scrapped the programme after volunteers began preaching to children about Kabbalah.

Originally a mystical form of Judaism, Kabbalah was turned into a global movement in the Seventies. Jewish leaders believe the modern Kabbalah craze — whose celebrity followers include Madonna and Demi Moore — is distorting the tradition’s true teachings. They voiced deep concern about schools using SFK, which was founded by the Los Angeles-based Kabbalah Centre. Critics claim the recent branch of Kabbalah has made money out of the credulous. One of the school headmasters John Hicks, who is also a parish priest, said: “They were working in our school but not any more, after a school investigation found them not to have been wholly upfront about their background. We ended the project once the SFK staff started talking about Kabbalah to the children.

Enjoy ur Coffee.


A group of alumni, all highly established in their respective careers, got together for a visit with their old university professor. The conversation soon turned to complaints about the endless stress of work and life in general. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went into the kitchen and soon returned with a large pot of coffee and an eclectic assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal - some plain, some expensive, some quite exquisite. Quietly he told them to help themselves to some fresh coffee.

When each of his former students had a cup of coffee in hand, the old professor quietly cleared his throat and began to patiently address the small gathering. "You may have noticed that all of the nicer looking cups were taken up first, leaving behind the plainer and cheaper ones. While it is only natural for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is actually the source of much of your stress-related problems."

He continued, "Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In fact, the cup merely disguises or dresses up what we drink. What each of you really wanted was coffee, not a cup, but you instinctively went for the best cups. Then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this:

"Life is coffee. Jobs, money, and position in society are merely cups. They are just tools to shape and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not truly define nor change the quality of the Life we live. Often, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee that has been provided us. Enjoy your coffee!"

The happiest people don't have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. So, Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And remember - the richest person is not the one who has the most, but the one who needs the least.

Be thankful for the special flavor your friends add to your coffee.

From an Indian in Sweden:

*An interesting reflection: Slow Down Culture*

It's been 18 years since I joined Volvo, a Swedish company. Working for them has proven to be an interesting experience.

Any project here takes 2 years to be finalized, even if the idea is simple and brilliant. It's a rule. Globalized processes have caused in us (all over the world) a general sense of searching for immediate results.

Therefore, we have come to possess a need to see immediate results. This contrasts greatly with the slow movements of the Swedish. They, on the other hand, debate, debate, debate, hold x quantity of meetings and work with a slowdown scheme. At the end, this always yields better results.

Said in another words:
1. Sweden is about the size of San Pablo, a state in Brazil.
2. Sweden has 2 million inhabitants.
3. Stockholm has 500,000 people.
4. Volvo, Escania, Ericsson, Electrolux, Nokia are some of its renowned companies. Volvo supplies the NASA.

The first time I was in Sweden, one of my colleagues picked me up at the hotel every morning. It was September, bit cold and snowy. We would arrive early at the company and he would park far away from the entrance (2000 employees drive their car to work). The first day, I didn't say anything, either the second or third. One morning I asked, 'Do you have a fixed parking space? I've noticed we park far from the entrance even when there are no other cars in the lot.' To which he replied, 'Since we're here early we'll have time to walk, and whoever gets in late will be late and need a place closer to the door. Don't you think? Imagine my face.

Nowadays, there's a movement in Europe name Slow Food. This movement establishes that people should eat and drink slowly, with enough time to taste their food, spend time with the family, friends, without rushing. Slow Food is against its counterpart: the spirit of Fast Food and what it stands for as a lifestyle. Slow Food is the basis for a bigger movement called Slow Europe, as mentioned by Business Week.

Basically, the movement questions the sense of 'hurry' and 'craziness' generated by globalization, fuelled by the desire of 'having in quantity'(life status) versus 'having with quality', 'life quality' or the 'quality of being'. French people, even though they work 35 hours per week, are more productive than Americans or British. Germans have established 28.8 hour workweeks and have seen their productivity been driven up by 20%.This slow attitude has brought forth the US's attention, pupils of the fast and the 'do it now!' In India its around 45 hrs workweek.

This no-rush attitude doesn't represent doing less or having a lower productivity. It means working and doing things with greater quality, productivity, perfection, with attention to detail and less stress. It means re-establishing family values, friends, free and leisure time. Taking the 'now', present and concrete, versus the 'global', undefined and anonymous. It means taking humans' essential values, the simplicity of living.

It stands for a less coercive work environment, more happy, lighter and more productive where humans enjoy doing what they know best how to do. It's time to stop and think on how companies need to develop serious quality with no-rush that will increase productivity and the quality of products and services, without losing the essence of spirit. In the movie, Scent of a Woman, there's a scene where the blind Al Pacino asks a girl to dance and she replies, 'I can't, my boyfriend will be here any minute now'. To which Al responds, 'A life is lived in an instant'. Then they dance to a tango.

Many of us live our lives running behind time, but we only reach it when we die of a heart attack or in a car accident rushing to be on time. Others are so anxious of living the future that they forget to live the present, which is the only time that truly exists. We all have equal time throughout the world. No one has more or less. The difference lies in how each one of us does with our time. We need to live each moment. As John Lennon said, 'Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans'.

*Congratulations for reading till the end of this message. There are many who will have stopped in the middle so as not to waste time in this globalized world.*

Say Bye to your Fears.

Say Bye to your Fears.

To stay in your comfort zone because of fears of what may lie outside will condemn you to a life of regret.

Over time, we all gather a set of constricting habits around us — ones that trap us in a zone of supposed comfort, well below what our potential would allow us to attain. Pretty soon, such habits slip below the level of our consciousness, but they still determine what we think that we can and cannot do — and what we cannot even bring ourselves to try. As long as you let these habits rule you, you will be stuck in a rut.

Like the tiny, soft bodied creatures that build coral reefs, habits start off small and flexible, and end up by building massive barriers of rock all around your mind. Inside the reefs, the water feels quiet and friendly. Outside you think it’s going to be rough and stormy. There may be sharks. But if you’re to develop in any direction from where you are today, you must go outside that reef of habits that marks the boundaries of your comfort zone. There’s no other way. There’s even nothing specially wrong with those habits as such. They probably worked for you in the past. But now it's time to step over them and go into the wider world of your unused potential. Your fears don’t know what’s going to be out there, so they invent monsters and scary beasts to keep you inside.

Nobody’s born with an instruction manual for life. Despite all the helpful advice from parents, teachers and elders, each of us must make our own way in the world, doing the best we can and quite often getting things wrong. Messing up a few times isn’t that big a deal. But if you get scared and try to avoid all mistakes by sticking with just a few tried and true behaviours, you will miss out on most opportunities as well. Lots of people who suffer from boredom at work are doing it to themselves. They are bored and frustrated because that’s what their choices have caused them to be. They are stuck in ruts they dug for themselves while trying to avoid making mistakes and taking risks. People who never make mistakes never make anything else either.

It’s time to pin down the habits that have become unconscious and are running your life for you, and get rid of them. Here’s how to do it: Understand the truth about your habits. They always represent past successes. You have formed habitual, automatic behaviours because you once dealt with something successfully, tried the same response next time, and found it worked again. That’s how habits grow and why they feel so useful.

To get away from what’s causing your unhappiness and workplace blues, you must give up on many of your most fondly held habits and try new ways of thinking and acting. There truly isn’t any alternative. Those habits are going to block you from finding new and creative ideas. No new ideas, no learning. No learning, no access to successful change.

Do something differently and see what happens. Even the most successful habits eventually lose their usefulness as events change the world and fresh responses are called for. Yet we cling on to them long after their benefit has gone. Past strategies are bound to fail sometime. Letting them become automatic habits that take the controls is a sure road to self-inflicted harm.

Take some time out and have a detailed look at yourself — with no holds barred. Discovering your unconscious habits can be tough. For a start, they are unconscious, right? Then they fight back. Ask anyone who has ever given up smoking if habits are tough to break. You've got used to them and they are at least as addictive as nicotine or crack cocaine.

Be who you are. It’s easy to assume that you always have to fit in to get on in the world; that you must conform to be liked and respected by others or face exclusion. Because most people want to please, they try to become what they believe others expect, even if it means forcing themselves to be the kind of person they aren’t, deep down.

You need to start by putting yourself first. You are unique. We are all unique, so saying this doesn’t suggest that you are better than others or deserve more than they do. You need to put yourself first because no one else has as much interest in your life as you do; and because if you don’t, no one else will. Putting others second means giving them their due respect, not ignoring them totally. Keeping up a selfimage can be a burden. Hanging on to an inflated, unrealistic one is a curse. Give yourself a break.

Slow down and let go. Most of us want to think of ourselves as good, kind, intelligent and caring people. Sometimes that's true. Sometimes it isn’t. Reality is complex. We can’t function at all without constant input and support from other people. Everything we have, everything we have learned, came to us through someone else’s hands. At our best, we pass on this borrowed existence to others, enhanced by our contribution. At our worst, we waste and squander it. So recognise that you are a rich mixture of thoughts and feelings that come and go, some useful, some not. There’s no need to keep up a fa├žade; no need to pretend; no need to fear of what you know to be true.

When you face your own truth, you’ll find it’s an enormous relief. If you are maybe not as wonderful as you'd like to be, you aren’t nearly as bad as you fear either. The truth really does set you free; free to work on being better and to forgive yourself for being human; free to express your gratitude to others and recognise what you owe them; free to acknowledge your feelings without letting them dominate your life. Above all, you will be free to understand the truth of living: that much of what happens to you is no more than chance. It can’t be avoided and is not your fault. There’s no point in beating yourself up about it.

What is holding you in situations and actions that no longer work for you often isn’t inertia or procrastination. It’s the power of habitual ways of seeing the world and thinking about events. Until you can let go of those old, worn-out habits, they’ll continue to hold you prisoner. To stay in your comfort zone through mere habit, or to stay there because of irrational fears of what may lie outside, will condemn you to a life of frustration and regret.

There's a marvellous world out there. You'll see, if you try it.

Adrian Savage